Puppy kisses are the best medicine!

Wow! Just read my last post.... DOWNER! So today I want to have a happy, light hearted post! So what better to make me (and hopefully you) happy than to talk about my silly kids!  My kids have four legs, long ears, tails and are very hairy... Don't judge! They are cuter than a lot of 'normal' looking kids out there! They are loud and full of trouble, but the best thing about them is that they know James and I love them and they love us in return!

 

This is Kamikozi Flyer (Oz), a 4 year old male beagle. He's our oldest and he is such a sweet boy. His name is very fitting because he likes to jump or fly if you will.  His paws have never touched the first 3 stairs at our house and he flies out the back door to run in his yard. He can leap over the back of the couch and onto the bed with ease!  Oz has a huge heart and loves snuggling with his dad.  He makes me laugh when he chases the other dogs, he gets so excited and talks the whole time!We got Oz off the Internet! For real! i found a picture of him and ordered him from back east. He came to us by plane and has been such a good boy!!

 

This is Tuluce Bagheera Londog (Lucy), a 3 year old female basset hound.  She is my girl! I could write forever on my Luce. She is my baby and I love her so much. She is SPOILED! She has more nicknames than anyone in the world! We call her... Lucy, Luce, Tooty Fruity, Toot, Too, Suzy... and that's just a few of them. I don't know why she has so many nicknames, but I think it's because I make up songs for her and she sings with me!! When she's excited she wags her whole body not just her tail. I love her long ears and her beautiful eyes. She is my cuddle bug and she is always in my lap... all 40 lbs of her!! We bought Luce from a local pet store. I usually do not think of pet stores as a great place to get a pet, but with Lucy it was different. She had been at the pet store for over 3 months... she was too big for the pen they had her in and she really needed a good home. After begging James, we brought her home and for 3 weeks she sat in front of our oven. We think it's because she could see her reflection in the door like she could the window of the pet store... broke my heart! She fills my heart with joy everyday!

This is Gunther Central Perk (Gunther), a 2 year old male beagle and Oz's son.  Gunther is our little shy runt.  He has an under bite, he's tiny and he is afraid of our ceiling fans.  We names Gunther after a character on our favorite TV show FRIENDS and it's almost like the character took over.  Gunther is awkward just like his name sake. He is the dog at our house you have to win over, but once you do he is your best friend. He loves to scratch his back on furniture, stairs, your shoes if you have your feet up. He is so funny. We got Gunther when we had puppies.  We had a litter of 6 and he was the runt. All of our puppies went to good homes, but I couldn't let Gunther go!

 

This picture says it all! Shows all the personalities and we even got the cat in there!! These are my kids! I love them and they fill our house with laughter, noise, fun and a little bit of crazy!

 

 

Last but never least or forgotten, we have our beautiful angel Phoebe!

 

 

This is Phoebe Regina Phalange (Phoebe), our angle girl! Phoebe was our very first baby and she was amazing! We got Phoebe the same time we moved in together and she started our crazy adventure with us.  She was loud and funny and loved her dad so much! She was definitely the daddy's girl of the house. She gave us Gunther before she left us and we are so glad that Gunther is so much like his mom. Phoebe died of a rare blood disease on 7/6/2011.  She left us with a hole that no one will fill but having Gunther makes it easier. I really believe that she visits us though him, sometimes he does something that is so 'Phoebe' that we know she is with us! She will forever be our Pee Bee girl! <3

 

Rough Week...

It's been a rough week... I am not ready to talk about what James and I have lost.  I can't even think about it without crying and feeling empty. I know the time will come when it will be easier, but now is not that time.  I'm not ready to relive it, revisit it, rehash it... or anyother re- thing that means I have to open up about it. James says I've cried enought... but I feel like if that's true the tears wouldn't come so easy.

I know jealousy is normal. I know jealousy is something everyone deals with, but I feel so damn guilty for feeling jealous. I want everyone's life to be the perfect story they want it to be. I know I'm extremely lucky and should embrase what I have, which for the most part I do. I had the perfect life a month ago... a month.... 30 days... and now it's perfect with a side of jealousy and heart ache. It's hard to fight with myself over being happy for people I care about and sad for myself.

I tell myself everything you are suposed to tell yourself. "Everything happens for a reason", "It'll get better/easier", "It will happen when it's supposed to happen", "This just wasn't the right time"... I can say/think these all day but it still doesn't fill the hole in my stomach or the green room at the end of the hallway.

I am a strong person and I know life will give James and I what we are supposed to have, but I have a nagging feeling that it won't happen on my timeline. I have always had timelines and I hate that with this I won't get to. I fear this is not the end of our tears or waiting or watching others get what we thought we were getting. I hate that. I hate that 'hate' is how I feel about it. I think 'hate' is my way of coping, but I wish it wasn't.

I want to wake up and have it be April... I want to wake up and have this feeling gone... I want to wake up and feel full again... I want to wake up and continue the dream I had to put on hold. The dream I feel was taken away from me. I know that dream isn't dead... but a very special part of me is...

Starting now... I'll write

“Write poorly.
Suck.
Write Awful.
Terribly.
Frightfully.
Don’t care.
Turn off the inner editor.
Let yourself write.
Let it flow.
Let yourself fail.
Do something crazy.
Write 50,000 words in the month of November.
I did it.
It was fun.
It was insane.
It was 1,667 words per day.
It was possible, but you have to turn off the inner critic off completely.
Just write.
Quickly.
In bursts.
With joy.
If you can’t write, run away.
Come back.
Write again.
Writing is like anything else.
You won’t get good at it immediately.
It’s a craft.
You have to keep getting better.
You don’t get to Julliard unless you practice.
You want to get to Carnegie Hall?
Practice. Practice. Practice ..or give them a lot of money.
Like anything else it takes 10,000 hours to get to mastery.
Just like Malcolm Gladwell says.
So write.
Fail.
Get your thoughts down.
Let it rest.
Let is marinate.
Then edit, but don’t edit as you type.
That just slows the brain down.
Find a daily practice.
For me it’s blogging.
It’s fun.
The more you write the easier it gets.
The more it is a flow, the less a worry.
It’s not for school, it’s not for a grade, it’s just to get your thoughts out there.
You know they want to come out.
So keep at it.
Make it a practice.
Write poorly.
Write awfully.
Write with abandon and it may end up being really really good.”
― Colleen Hoover

This is a poem from one of my favorite books, 'Point of Retreat' by Colleen Hoover.  It is what inspired me to start writing... again.  I really enjoyed writing in high school and I have always reverted back to writing during times in my life that were hard or overly good. I always took the time to proof read and make sure my spelling wasn't too embarrassing, but this time I think I'm going to take the advice in this poem and just write.  I'm not going to edit, so I apologizes for anything that is hard to understand or spelled way wrong, but this isn't really for you (sorry) it's for me.